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....Sometimes in life...
...you just have to laugh...
Recent Entries 
3rd-Sep-2006 10:26 pm(no subject)
Maybe Not by Cat Power is one of the most amazing, touching songs I've heard. In my entire life.

"We can all be free
Maybe not in words
Maybe with a look
But with our minds."
10th-Aug-2006 03:27 pm(no subject)
I'm extremely saddened because Summer is almost over and I have LOADS of work to do ♥ I still believe that Sex and the City is an amazing show and that Charlotte and I are the same person ♥ I think I'm in love with soymilk ♥ Films are truly the one thing in life I could not live without ♥ I can't wait until I finally purchase that black jetta that I've wanted for so long ♥ I wish that people would be there for eachother...help one another and love one another ♥ Bring back the 60's please ♥ I love books ♥ Vintage is without a doubt a huge love in my life ♥ I'm sad that there is so much hatred in the world...why can't we just embrace one another? ♥ I love being a liberal ♥ I'm waiting to find that one person that totally completes me... doesn't have to last forever but long enough to share some memories ♥ I can't believe I'm going to be in college soon! ♥ I miss Darla ♥ I long for a new car, a puppy, and a treadmill in my room ♥ I'm fully determined to live a completely healthy lifestyle... no more starving or hating myself ♥ I'm so fucked up. ♥ I'm working to get better. ♥
30th-Jul-2006 01:14 pm - A huge realization
I haven't written in this thing in so long...but I love keeping it for those times when I just need to spill my soul without the huge embarassment. Anyways, I just went up and visited my dad and his family for the last three days. It was nice catching up with them since I rarely see them. I hardly see my Dad since he moved away for his job and it breaks my heart because I miss him so much and both of our lives are so incredibly busy all of the time. I always feel like he puts his work ahead of me and I know he is just trying to make a living and pay the bills but at the same time its very sad when you feel like you are always having to be put behind a job.

Anyways, I finally saw him and the family and I just had this huge realization. Life is so amazingly flawed. When I was a kid I thought his side of the family was rock-hard...so put together and bonded through the good and the bad. Now that I'm older and finally starting to see I realize how broken our family truly is. My father barely takes care of himself because he is always working...he smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and he already has heart and breathing problems. My grandparents are constantly fighting and never show any type of affection for each other...in my entire life I've only seen them kiss once. My grandmother can't even breathe on her own because of her excessive smoking and that light that always came from her when I was younger is now gone forever. She rarely smiles and basically sits there staring out the window...I have no idea what she sees. My aunt and my cousin argue constantly and my cousin's little girl is probably the lonliest girl you will ever meet in your life because she lives with adults who only get along to make it through the day. My great-grandmother sits without emotion because she is not well and I'm assuming doesn't really know how to handle certain situations. And basically every single family member that I mentioned is not in good health at all...(All of this is in the same house...)

Last night I just cried...I cried for them...I cried for the childhood I long to visit again. I just wish I could go back and live every single minute of magic that I might have took forgranted when I was younger. I long for that feeling of complete happiness and excitement near the Christmas tree, I long for that feeling of complete solidarity when I am at my grandparents house, I long for my grandmother to smile and laugh with me like she used to, I long for my dad to live back here in the same city so I could see him for more than a couple of hours before he jets off to work again. I guess I long for a lot of things... I guess the one thing I learned and can only teach my children is that life only gets harder as you get older and to always value those childhood years because nothing can never replace them. A childhood is such a beautiful thing...its something you only live once in your lifetime. I miss it.
30th-Dec-2005 02:09 pm - The smallest things can break us...
Well Christmas pretty much sucked this year. Well, it didn't suck but it certainly wasn't magical and I spent most of my time crying instead of laughing and being merry. Basically, I got an adorable chihuahua puppy named Darla, but the problem is that we have two cats and neither my mom or I have time to dedicate to her. She's the sweetest thing and I love her to death but she is so much work and we can't really give her the life she deserves. She'd be locked up in my room all day or stuck in a play pen we bought her and thats no life for such a beautiful love. So we made the painful decision of calling back the seller and we need to go give her back tomorrow. I'm so sad and depressed... it's crazy how the smallest of things ( in this case a 1 lb pound puppy) can break us and break us hard. I know life will go on and I know she will have a good life but I love her so much and I'm so sad that it had to happen like this.

On top of that, school starts up in the next few days and I'm so pissed off and fucking fed up with school. School can kiss my ass. I'm so tired of spending my days doing shit I don't want to do...life is so short and you only get one...whats the point of sitting in a desk watching life pass you by? FUCK IT.

Oh and I'm not memorized yet with my script and I need to be by Tuesday.

20th-Dec-2005 09:08 pm - Happy Holidays <3
Well it's been a couple weeks since I wrote in here last. First off, Christmas is in about 4 days! Woo hoo! Happy Holidays to everyone...I hope everyone has a great one this year! I've been busy memorizing more lines because I was recently cast as another lead in the play! I'm excited to be playing someone totally different, however I once again have the most lines which is very stressful but I am very excited and of course very greatful.

I haven't really done anything at all over break. I went and saw Brokeback Mountain last Friday and LOVED it. Such a good story with beautiful acting. I'm excited for Christmas...yay!
20th-Nov-2005 09:41 am - It came to an end...
Well the play came to an end last night. It was very sad but I was also somewhat relieved! However, I'm going to miss it sooo much. I will probably be very low the next couple of days just because being on the stage is what I love to do. The cast party was amazing though... I seriously love everyone on the cast. We had an amazing night!

Sadly, the playing is done and I now have to do TONS of homework that I need to catch up on. I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week... that's soo insanely crazy. It doesn't feel like it should be here at all. I hate the Holidays! Food is constantly there... always... always tempting you. I really need to stay strong this year! Anyways that's all for now... I have to start hmmm ALLLL this homework! ♥
10th-Nov-2005 10:20 am - Holding on for dear life...
Wow, so my life is going to be crazy this next week. I've got a TON of homework combined with a lot of projects and tests. Not to mention the play is going up this next week and we aren't nearly ready still. I'm so nervous because I memorized my lines but everytime we run thru scenes I just screw up all over the place.

Also theres the family issue. My mother just makes me feel horrible about myself. It makes me just wonder if I give anything good to the world or to her life. I know I'm not perfect but I can at least admit that I'm flawed... she won't ever admit that she is wrong. It makes me sad. Every single day we get into a fight and everytime I leave school I just think what it would be like to actually go back to a home that appriciated me or thought I was a good person. I know I sound whiny and shit but it's honestly how I feel and I'm just screaming inside hoping someone... somewhere... will finally hear me.
3rd-Nov-2005 06:00 pm - <3
I actually understood my chemistry homework tonight ♥ I wish I was in New York ♥ I truly believe that Sex and the City is the best show ever created ♥ I'm nervous because the show goes up in about 2 weeks and we aren't nearly ready ♥ After the play I'm going to dye my hair like Rachel's in The Notebook ♥ I need to lose some weight... I basically want to dwindle away... ♥ I NEED to go shopping. I have an addiction. ♥ I wish people could just point out the good things instead of the flaws... ♥ I wish there was no judgement in the world ♥ I wish that people you admired were actually attainable as a friend ( in my case it seems be impossible) ♥ I can't wait to see Rent and Pride and Prejudice ♥ I love apples ♥

Eeek. Sorry. I go through my phases of little random facts. Anyways I ate to much food today. I'm a fat ass. I seriously need to get a grip and just not eat so I can finally be perfect. Well good bye for now.
31st-Oct-2005 09:20 pm - Good news!
I memorized the last of my script tonight!!! I never thought I'd get it done! Hopefully I'll still remember everything tomorrow. ♥

School is seriously kicking me in the ass this year! It's insane! I barely have time to get anything done and have a life outside of school. On top of that I was cast in the play as the lead ( I'm very greatful but stress is starting to kick in because we go up in about 3 weeks and we have no set and are still scrambling to memorize all of our lines), and of course you gotta love all the family problems. I know I'm whining and complaining but I gotta vent somewhere... so yeahhh! On that note I must say I'm very stressed out at the moment. Other than that life is going just okay at the moment.. nothing special.... nothing horrible. Which is good in a way.

Halloween is coming up on Monday... I have exactly two days to hurry and put an outfit together. I'm aiming for Penny Lane in Almost Famous... sooooo yeah hopefully it will all work out. Okay well not much more to write at thee moment.

Ta Ta.
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